Episode 51: David Thomas
Today's episode is a special milestone in the life of Surviving Sarah because we have our first male guest on the show. I've always said that I would have a man on the show as long as it benefits my audience. And today's guest certainly lives up to that!
David Thomas joins me at my kitchen table for Episode 51. He is a therapist, author and father of adolescents. You may know him from his book Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys or his book Intentional Parenting. We set out to talk about raising boys but I have to tell you that I got so much out of our conversation even though I only have girls. We talked a lot about child development and how that impacts your parenting. @@We also talk about how to navigate meltdowns, how to adjust your own expectations and how to deal with your child's aggression@@. So pull up a chair to the table and join the conversation.
I hope you enjoyed my conversation with David. I already want to go back and listen again. And don't worry, David already said he would come back and be Surviving Sarah's resident male expert. I have a long list of questions for him--in fact, if you have a question, send it to me through SurvivingSarah.com I'd love to add it to my list.
- Raising Girlsby Sissy Golf & Melissa Trevanthan
- David's books: Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys; Intentional Parenting; Raising Boys and Girls: The Art of Understanding the Differences (video curriculum); Becoming a Dad: A Spiritual, Emotional, and Practical Guide; How To Hit a Curve Ball, Grill the Perfect Steak, and Become a Real Man
(amazon affiliate links used)
- Music - live shows in particular. Johnnyswim
- Dark Roast Coffee
Takeaways From Our Conversation:
- I think the biggest takeaway for me was the idea he kept returning to--@@parent in tandem with the unique way God created them@@. I want God to show me who He created each of my girls to be and then give me wisdom to understand what is happening developmentally in their lives. I don't know about you, but @@figuring out how to parent makes me want to breathe in a paper bag@@. It can feel so overwhelming and impossible, but in this moment, @@God is reminding me that "nothing is impossible with Him@@." I long to have relationships with my daughters in each phase of their life and I think that what David brought up is helpful to cultivate that.
- @@Your kids are still becoming. They are developing people@@. How can I adjust my expectations?
- It was fascinating to hear about the phase of a kid's life between ages 9-12. They will experience a heightened about of pruning—cutting back to experience new growth. So pay attention during this phase to how much technology they are using. If that is what their brain is experiencing the most, they will push out the things that they aren’t using as much which could be some of the most important things that they need the most.
- We end up parenting behaviors believing they are intending to be disobedient and we need to make adjustments to how we parent. How do we shift? Study temperament and development. Train a child in the way he should go. Each kid is purposed to go unique ways. Pray, "Who did you make her to be? Help me parent in tandem with that. Give me wisdom to understand what is happening developmentally."
- @@5 stages of boy development@@: birth to 4 - explorer; 5 to 8 - lover stage; 9 to 12 - individual stage (identity formation stage, his sense of self is developing); 13 to 17 - wanderer stage (hardest phase; questioning his identity, insecure & unstable); 18 to mid-twenties - warrior stage
- Sometimes aggression is due to over simulation or because of sitting still all day at school. Have a space in your house for all family member can access it where you can go to work through some emotions.
I wanted to remind you that you can purchase a copy of my book Body. Beauty. Boys. The Truth About Girls and How We See Ourselves at SurvivingSarah.com Its a resource for any adolescent girl in your life designed to help her discover how God sees her and how to learn to be content and satisfied with exactly who she is.
Thank you for following along life with me. I love being apart of your day. And as always, I hope this show helps you survive a little easier.
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